Your Friend is a Mom…You’re Not… Now What?

Your BFF  just  became a mom. All of a sudden she’s not available to talk to you about your guy or work issues. She’s not available for drinks at the spur of the moment…

Don’t take it personally– it’s not you– actually it’s probably not your friend either!

See, it isn’t about you, or her– it’s about the baby that is consuming her life right now. So she might not answer your phone call, or reply to your texts. You might feel hurt, left out or neglected… The truth is, she is not rejecting you.

It’s that THERE IS NO TIME, SHE HAS NO ENERGY and whenever that baby is sleeping? She wants to sleep too.

I can understand you’re upset- your partner in crime has gone AWOL. But, if you really care about your friend, please cut  her some slack! 

Consider this:

1. She’s been through an emotional and hormonal roller coaster.

2. She hasn’t gotten a good night sleep in a while.

3. Her boobs probably hurt, her crotch probably hurts, her hair is probably falling out.

4. One day, that might be you, wouldn’t you like if if someone was nice to you instead of judgmental?


Here’s what you can do to make her life better: 

cool friend new mama
1. Bring food! Snacks, her favorite coffee, beer (they say it helps with milk production!), dinner, she will be happy. (Note: Only come over if she is OK with it!)


2. Offer to watch the baby– does  not have to be for a whole day– your amiga probably hasn’t properly showered in a while… So even coming over to hang with baby while she jumps in the shower is HUGELY appreciated.  Or, maybe she can run and get a pedicure– that will help her feel somewhat normal and relaxed for a while! She will be so grateful. (Side note– she might also be calling you every 3 minutes.)


3. Offer to run her errands. Maybe she hasn’t gotten around to sending her thank you notes, or she has some things to pick up at the pharmacy…  any little thing you can get off her plate is one less thing to stress her out.


4. Just listen… Maybe she is freaking out about breastfeeding, poop, lack of sleep… Maybe she’s afraid of breaking the baby- whatever it is, just listen! Having someone to talk to (or nowadays, text) can be a lifesaver for us mamas, especially during the first few months when we don’t know what the heck we are doing!!


5. Be patient! I promise, one day, your friend will be like this:


Until then, just be patient with her. Don’t get mad or say you don’t understand… her life has been turned upside down by her little bundle of (crying,pooping) joy.

Mamas, do you agree? What did I leave out? Leave your suggestions below, or tweet them to me, @dianalimongi

Diana Limongi
Diana a mom, activist, nonprofit professional, podcaster and writer from Queens, NY. She writes about motherhood, activism, raising my multilingual kids, culture and travel. She and her multicultural family live in Queens, NY.

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