Many times working moms are hard on themselves- especially Latina moms who have been taught from early on that being selfless is part of the gig, amirite? Not only were we taught to be selfless but we are also taught to put our needs last– it’s our jobs as mothers to be there for our children and our spouses, and we often put ourselves last in that equation.
And it’s not only about the kids- it’s also about keeping an orderly house, making home-cooked meals and even looking pretty for our spouses. I mean, just writing this makes me tired! I’ve heard how older generations talk about us, the younger moms- those that are career-driven, and who enjoy doing things for themselves. My own mother often makes a face at the sight of a pizza box “eso no es comida” (that’s not food) she says.
Of course, it’s not ONLY Latina moms, all moms are expected to act like it’s 1955 and keep a clean house, on top of having a perfect career.
So yes, as mothers we have a lot of expectations from people… But guess what- the only expectations and voices that matter are your own. (and yes, your spouse’s too). I stopped caring what people may think of me — I can imagine, “oh she travels so much.” “Oh she works late.” Because people are going to talk… and they don’t know– they just don’t. Not only do they not know what’s happening in your home- They must have an awful lot of time in their hands and that’s just sad.
Don’t let others put you down, or question your parenting skills. If your kid is fed, clean, happy– then it’s a good day. Who cares if the laundry still hasn’t been folded… Don’t lose sleep over that– and don’t lose sleep over your FB friends who have seemingly perfect lives. Matthew Hussey (who is a relationship expert) once said, “don’t compare your life to their highlight reel.” What he means is— people share the best moments/- not all the everyday crappy ones. (Side note, you should totally follow his podcast!)
Even people that seem like they have everything figured out, that are balancing it all and doing a great job– sometimes they’re not.
Personally, I will tell you– there are good days and bad days. There are days when I get home, eat dinner, wash dishes and even prep lucky for the next day– but there are days when I’m so tired that I fall asleep with my son and leave dirty dishes and nothing prepped for the next day. There are days when I put him to bed and then I come into the living room and simply veg out in front of the TV, and leave the dishes where they are- so yeah there are good days and bad days.
READ RELATED: WORKING MOMS: DELEGATING IS OK! (AND NECESSARY!)
Here are five tips that will help you be the best mom you can be (and not go crazy in the process):
The most important thing that I can tell you is to take care of yourself! Don’t be afraid to ask for help, to outsource If you’re able to (you don’t need to do everything personally).
Don’t be afraid to take an easier way out (if your child needs to bring cupcakes to school, it’s OK to buy them at the store instead of staying up late to bake!)
Don’t be afraid to say no and to take care of yourself first (remember the analogy of the oxygen mask in an airplane?– in case of an emergency, you need to put the oxygen mask on first– if you don’t then you can’t help others… if you don’t take care of yourself, then you can’t help your family).
Remember you’re only human!
Build your tribe- it takes a village to raise kids – and when in doubt surround yourself by people that will lift you up, not tear you down!
Last but certainly not least, remember you’re doing a good job!