A couple of days ago, the babysitter told me Enzo didn’t nap. So I told him that he needed to nap at home, just like at school. I know he loves his babysitter, so I said, “if you want Fanny to keep coming to take care of you, you have to nap.”
Later, i told him that his Mami, (grandma) was going to pick him up from daycare. he said “no Mami, no Fanny. Quiero mama.” (no grandma, no Fanny. I want Mama)
He looked sad, and my heart sank. I wish I could pick him up every day, but with work and grad school, that’s just not possible right now.
Just to clarify, I really like going to work, and grad school. I wasn’t the mom who dreaded to leave her son behind when maternity leave was over (though, in my opinion three months is definitely not enough) I was actually looking forward to going back to the office, where I’d be with coworkers discussing other things that weren’t baby-related (of course, a lot of it was!)
So when Enzo told me that he wanted me to pick him up, and me to put him to bed, and that he doesn’t want papa or mami or babysitter, only mama— I feel both jubilation (Yes! My kid loves me!) and sadness and doubt (oh no! Am I not around enough??!) It’s not GUILT because I don’t feel guilty that I have to go to work, I feel sad that he misses me.
Mama and Enzo having Brunch @ MEXIBBQ, Astoria, Queens.
The thing is, I’m around as much as I can possibly be. If you add the work week, plus the commute time, plus grad school, well, that doesn’t leave a lot of free time, but I do spend the little time I have left with my munchkin.
So what can a mama do? Tips and insight appreciated!! Or, if you’re going through the same thing and just want to vent, tell me that too, it will be nice to know I’m not alone!